I'm amazed at the depth of emotion I can feel for a little creature.
Yesterday, my little green cheeked conure, who my husband had lovingly named Latka, died. He got hit by a door, completely by accident. And I cried like my heart was broken. It was, in a way. He was a wonderful bird full of happiness, sweetness and joy. He never failed to be pleased to see us and pleased with everything around him. Then suddenly, he was still and quiet cradled in my hands.
In the last months, I've thought a lot about death. It's not as if I've never experienced it before. But this was shocking. Not just that it was an accident, but that I've been so caught up in, and preparing for other, inevitable death, that I was completely blindsided by it.
I was very, very fragile today.
So I took some time to rest myself, because crying at work is rather pathetic. I read a book I've read before called "Druids" by Morgan Llewellyn. It helped more than I expected.
I recalled that basics of the plot, but details are were forgotten. One of the characters, Briga, has experienced a horrific death and for a long time, she cannot accept it. It seems impossible to her that death is a part of life and she hates those she feels are responsible, even though the man who died, her brother, went willingly to his death.
Over time, she learns however. And with the help of love, she comes to have faith in the strength of the spirit. Eventually, she feels in her heart that death is just another step on the path. She says to the man she loves, but once hated, who has helped guide her on her own path, "We are all perfectly safe."
And its true. At least to me, with the faith I have and hold dear to my heart. Although I do forget sometimes.
